Post your funniest jokes...

[jenny]

Our Lager
Which art in barrels
Hallowed be thy drink
Thy will be drunk ( I will be drunk )
At home as if in tavern
Give us this day our foamy head
And forgive us our spillage's
As we forgive those who spill against us
And lead us not to incarceration
But deliver us from hangovers
For thine is the beer, the bitter, the lager
For ever and ever....

Barmen
:beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer:

[jenny]

2. Newsflash! John Howard's library burned down on the weekend and two books, amongst other personal belongings, were destroyed! The real tragedy was that he hadn't finished colouring in one of them.

[jenny]

I forgot how long that bloody joke was until I started typing it.

[BrisbaneBroncosRule]

Duck Shooting

Two Irishmen were out duck-shooting. They had their guns and dogs and walked for hours with no success. Dropping into the pub on the way back they listened with envy to all the other hunters who had obviously been very successful.
"Where do you think we went wrong?" asked one.
His friend thought for a minute.
"You know, I think it must be that we're not throwing the dogs high enough."

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: I loved that one Jenny

[jenny]

Subject: Fw: Brooms....a groaner




Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom
broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and
said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!"

"IMPOSSIBLE!!" said the groom broom.

Are you ready for this?

Brace yourself; this is going to hurt.




"WE HAVEN'T SWEPT TOGETHER"

[jenny]

***
Paddy goes to the doctor

An Irish bloke goes to the Doctor. "Dactor, it's me
ass, I'd loik ya ta
take a look, if ya woot. Oi'm in acony."

So the Doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a
look. "Incredible",
he says, "There is a ?20 note lodged up here".
Tentatively the Doctor
eases the twenty out of the Paddy's ****, and then a
?10 appears. "This
is amazing" exclaims the Doctor "What do you want me
to do?"

"Well fur Gads sake get it out, man" shrieks the
patient.

The Doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty
appears, and another.
Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.

"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter. How
moch is dare, den?"

The Doctor counts the pile of cash. ?1990 exactly."
"Ah, dat'd be roit. I
knew I wasn't feeling too grand"

***

[jenny]

Paddy at the morgue

Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly, so
the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His
two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for.
Seamus went in first and the mortician pulled back the
sheet. Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll
him over". So the mortician rolled him over.
Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy". The
mortician thought that was rather strange and then he
brought Sean in to identify the body. Sean took
a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad,
roll him over". The mortician rolled him over and Sean
looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy". The
mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Sean said, "Well,
Paddy had two assholes." "What, he had two
assholes???" said the mortician. "Yup, everyone knew
he had two ****holes. Every time we went into town,
folks would say, "Here comes Paddy with them two
assholes!"... :dizzy:


=====

[jenny]

A lad went to the Family Law Courts with his parents who were contesting who the boy would stay with after the separation. The judge asked the boy if he wanted to live with his mother. "No she beats me," he replied. The judge then asked the boy if he wanted to live with his father. "No, he beats me too," he said. The judge then asked the boy if he would like to live with his grandparents. "No, sometimes they beat me." Getting flustered, the judge asked the boy who he did want to live with. The boy said "The Sydney Swans, cause they don't beat anyone!"

:!: :') I love the SWANS!

[jenny]

Animals in the Outback

A motorist was driving quietly along the road when, suddenly, his eyes goggled as, believe it or not, he espied a three-legged chook running beside him. It suddenly made a right hand turn, heading up a side track towards a nearby farm house. Intrigued, the motorist decided to follow the chook. At the end of the track, he met a farmer leaning on a gate.

The motorist said, ?You probably won?t believe this, but I reckon I saw a three-legged chook running this way.?

The farmer was nonchalant in response. ?Yep, we breed them here.?

?But why?? asked the motorist.

?Well, you see, I like a leg, my wife likes a leg, and me son likes a leg.?

?And what do they taste like??

?Dunno?, replied the farmer, ?no one can catch the little bastards.?

[jenny]

How do AUSSIE men exercise at the beach
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

[Nathalie]

How do AUSSIE men exercise at the beach
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

Love it!!

When I was at the beach this morning, these two guys pretended to look for a spot to sit, then sat..

..directly behind the only two girls on the beach who had their tops off and their boobs in the air.

My sister and I had a good laugh then

[jenny]

Love it!!

When I was at the beach this morning, these two guys pretended to look for a spot to sit, then sat..

..directly behind the only two girls on the beach who had their tops off and their boobs in the air.

My sister and I had a good laugh then

:lol!: So Unpredictable :dizzy: right??

[Nathalie]

:lol!: So Unpredictable :dizzy: right??

Oh yeh.

From my cousin, the Queen of lame jokes:

Q. What's red and looks like a bucket?
A. A red bucket.

Q. What's blue and looks like a bucket?

Joke-ee: A blue bucket?

A. Nope. A red bucket in disguise

:rotflmao:

[jenny]

Oh yeh.

From my cousin, the Queen of lame jokes:

Q. What's red and looks like a bucket?
A. A red bucket.

Q. What's blue and looks like a bucket?

Joke-ee: A blue bucket?

A. Nope. A red bucket in disguise

:rotflmao:

:dizzy:

[Casey's Angel27]

Oh yeh.

From my cousin, the Queen of lame jokes:

Q. What's red and looks like a bucket?
A. A red bucket.

Q. What's blue and looks like a bucket?

Joke-ee: A blue bucket?

A. Nope. A red bucket in disguise

:rotflmao:

haha thats funny

ok i have one

Q: Whats brown and sticky?

A: A stick