Post your funniest jokes...

[jenny]

Finally a poem by Sir Paul McCartney:
I lay upon a grassy bank
My hands were all a quiver
I slowly removed her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river ...

[Ryan]

Thats a good one

[Ryan]

A champion boxer is having trouble getting to sleep, so he goes to see a therapist. The therapist asks him to try counting down from one hundred to try to get to sleep. The Boxer replies: "I do, but when I get to 10, 9, 8, I get straight back up!"

[Casey's Angel27]

Whats red and shaped like a bucket?

A red bucket

Whats blue and shaped like a bucket?

A red bucket painted blue

[jenny]

A champion boxer is having trouble getting to sleep, so he goes to see a therapist. The therapist asks him to try counting down from one hundred to try to get to sleep. The Boxer replies: "I do, but when I get to 10, 9, 8, I get straight back up!"

:rotflmao:

[Casey's Angel27]

A champion boxer is having trouble getting to sleep, so he goes to see a therapist. The therapist asks him to try counting down from one hundred to try to get to sleep. The Boxer replies: "I do, but when I get to 10, 9, 8, I get straight back up!"

Haha funny

[jenny]

Subject: Celibacy


>
> Many aspects of human sexuality are very puzzling. Take celibacy.
>
> This can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by
> environmental factors.
>
> While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Tom and Mary
> listened to the instructor declare:
>
> "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that
> are important to each other."
>
> He addressed the men. "Can you each name and describe your
> wife's favourite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched Mary's arm gently and whispered,
>
> "Self-raising, isn't it?"
>
> Thus began Tom's life of celibacy.

[Ryan]

Subject: Celibacy


>
> Many aspects of human sexuality are very puzzling. Take celibacy.
>
> This can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by
> environmental factors.
>
> While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Tom and Mary
> listened to the instructor declare:
>
> "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that
> are important to each other."
>
> He addressed the men. "Can you each name and describe your
> wife's favourite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched Mary's arm gently and whispered,
>
> "Self-raising, isn't it?"
>
> Thus began Tom's life of celibacy.

[Coaster]

Some facts about Barry Dawson aka "The cougar"

When Barry Dawson goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Barry
Dawsoned.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for
Barry Dawson.

Barry Dawson counted to infinity - twice.

When Barry Dawson does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing
the Earth down.

Barry Dawson gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Barry Dawson can slam a revolving door.

Barry Dawson once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Barry Dawson's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one
fools Barry Dawson.

Barry Dawson can speak Braille.

Barry Dawson's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Superman owns a pair of Barry Dawson pyjamas.

Barry Dawson owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win
the1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out
of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card
from the game Uno.

Barry Dawson sleeps with a night light. Not because Barry Dawson is afraid
of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Barry Dawson.

Barry Dawson doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when
they touch his body.

Once a cobra bit Barry Dawson's leg. After five days of excruciating pain,
the cobra died.

Barry Dawson divides by zero.

Barry Dawson is always on top during sex because Barry Dawson never f***s
up.

When Barry Dawson exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Barry Dawson doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

Barry Dawson sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled drinking ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Barry kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The
devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
the month.

Barry Dawson can kill two stones with one bird.

Barry Dawson once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.

Barry Dawson once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a
friend that the expression "*****ting bricks" wasn't just a figure of
speech.

The only time Barry Dawson was wrong was when he thought he had made a
mistake.

[Ryan]

Excellent Post mate

[jenny]

This happened on a flight getting ready to depart for New Orleans.
Jack was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him.
The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in
fear. "What's the matter?" Jack asked. "I've been transferred to New
Orleans, there's crazy people there. They've got lots of shootings,
gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest crime
rate."

Jack replied, "I've lived in New Orleans all my life. It's not as bad
as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own
business, enroll your kids in a nice private school. It's as safe a
place as anywhere in the world."

The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you.
I've been worried to death. But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll
take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"

"Me?" said Jack. "I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser beer truck." :beer: :beer:

[bondititan]

why does edward woodwood have for d's in his name ?????

other wise he'd be called ewar woo woo

[jenny]

Time to start Cussing

A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. You Know
what? Says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna say "hell" and you say "ass." "OK!" The 4 year old agrees with
enthusiasm. Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Au hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios." WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets
up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room & shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks
with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?" "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios.

[Des]

A Dustman Knocks On A Japanese Man?s Door,
The Jap Man Opens The Door A Says?harro,wot U Want??
Dustman Asks?where?s Ur Bin??
!i Bin On The Loo?says Jap Man
?no Mate,where?s Ya Dustbin??
?i Dustbin On The Loo?says Jap Man
?no No Mate Where?s Ur Wheelie Bin??
?hokay,i Wheelie Bin Havin A Wank!!?

[Des]

A man is about to get married to the girl of his dreams. Just before the ceromony his father takes him aside and says ?son when i married your mother I took her to one side, I took off my trousers and told her to put them on. So she did and said they?re too big she couldn?t wear them, so I told her exactly I?m the one who wears the trousers in this relationship and thats they way its gonna stay.?
So the man goes off with this in mind and gets married. On his honeymoon he takes his new wife to one side takes off his trousers and says ?honey put these on? so she did and says ?they?re too big I can?t wear them? to which her new husband replies ?exactly I?m the one who wears the trousers in this relationship and thats the way its gonna stay?
Not having this his wife takes her knickers off and says ?here darling try these on? so he does and replies ?I can?t they?re too small I can?t get in your knickers?
?Exactly!? his wife says, ?and if you don?t change your attitude you?re never gonna!?

So True. How times change.