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  1. #361
    One Clubman Ryan's Avatar
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    A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve walking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Briton. "They must be British!"

    "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French!"

    "It is obvious they are Russian," argues the Russian. "They have no clothes and no shelter, they have only an apple to eat, and they are being told this is paradise!"
    The girl from the ring watched a highlights reel of Greg Bird, she died 7 days later.....


  2. #362
    Titan CEO jenny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryan
    A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve walking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Briton. "They must be British!"

    "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French!"

    "It is obvious they are Russian," argues the Russian. "They have no clothes and no shelter, they have only an apple to eat, and they are being told this is paradise!"
    :rotflmao:

    I LOVE "BULL" BAILEY
    "WHAT A MAN, WHAT A MAN, WHAT A MIGHTY GOOD MAN"

  3. #363
    One Clubman Ryan's Avatar
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    It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?," he says.

    "That's cool" says Bobby. Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or to the drive-in.

    Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it." Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks Carrie's Dad to repeat it. "Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!"

    Well, this just about makes Bobby's eyes light up, and his plans for the evening begin to look pretty good. A few minutes later Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go.

    Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.

    About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:

    "DAMMIT DADDY! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!"
    The girl from the ring watched a highlights reel of Greg Bird, she died 7 days later.....


  4. #364
    Titan CEO jenny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryan
    It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?," he says.

    "That's cool" says Bobby. Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or to the drive-in.

    Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it." Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks Carrie's Dad to repeat it. "Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!"

    Well, this just about makes Bobby's eyes light up, and his plans for the evening begin to look pretty good. A few minutes later Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go.

    Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.

    About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:

    "DAMMIT DADDY! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!"
    :dead: :rotflmao:

    I LOVE "BULL" BAILEY
    "WHAT A MAN, WHAT A MAN, WHAT A MIGHTY GOOD MAN"

  5. #365
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    I don't geddit, whats the twist?
    [

  6. #366
    One Clubman Ryan's Avatar
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    In the 50's the a dance called "The Twist" was popular.
    Her dad got the dance name mixed up, instead of twist, he said screw........
    Mabey your not old enough to understand, sorry
    The girl from the ring watched a highlights reel of Greg Bird, she died 7 days later.....


  7. #367
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryan
    In the 50's the a dance called "The Twist" was popular.
    Her dad got the dance name mixed up, instead of twist, he said screw........
    Mabey your not old enough to understand, sorry
    nah - i get it now, thats funny.

    :rotflmao:
    [

  8. #368
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    Quote Originally Posted by Future Star
    nah - i get it now, thats funny.

    :rotflmao:
    LMAO FS :satan:

    I LOVE "BULL" BAILEY
    "WHAT A MAN, WHAT A MAN, WHAT A MIGHTY GOOD MAN"

  9. #369
    One Clubman Ryan's Avatar
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    This man walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulders. He takes a seat at the bar, lets the monkey go and orders a drink. The monkey is running wild through the bar, swinging from the lights, jumping on the tables etc.

    The monkey then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball and swallows it. The bartender is totally annoyed. The gentleman who owns the monkey apologizes, pays for his drink and the cue ball then leaves with his monkey.

    A couple of weeks later the man returns with his monkey. He sits at the bar and lets the monkey run wild again. The monkey is running wild again. He jumps up on the bar where he spies a bowl of grapes. He grabs a grape and shoves it up his ass, pulls it out and then eats it.

    The bartender is totally grossed out. "Did you see what your monkey just did?" He asks the man. The man replies "Oh yeah, since that cue ball incident he measures everything!"
    The girl from the ring watched a highlights reel of Greg Bird, she died 7 days later.....


  10. #370
    Titan CEO jenny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryan
    This man walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulders. He takes a seat at the bar, lets the monkey go and orders a drink. The monkey is running wild through the bar, swinging from the lights, jumping on the tables etc.

    The monkey then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball and swallows it. The bartender is totally annoyed. The gentleman who owns the monkey apologizes, pays for his drink and the cue ball then leaves with his monkey.

    A couple of weeks later the man returns with his monkey. He sits at the bar and lets the monkey run wild again. The monkey is running wild again. He jumps up on the bar where he spies a bowl of grapes. He grabs a grape and shoves it up his ass, pulls it out and then eats it.

    The bartender is totally grossed out. "Did you see what your monkey just did?" He asks the man. The man replies "Oh yeah, since that cue ball incident he measures everything!"
    :lol!: :lol!: :lol!:

    I LOVE "BULL" BAILEY
    "WHAT A MAN, WHAT A MAN, WHAT A MIGHTY GOOD MAN"

  11. #371
    One Clubman Ryan's Avatar
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    It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 700 students in the class!

    The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. 1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.

    "You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.

    "Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. 1/2 hour later, the late student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

    "No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late."

    The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know WHO I am?"

    "No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.

    "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again.

    "No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of superiority.

    "Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.
    The girl from the ring watched a highlights reel of Greg Bird, she died 7 days later.....


  12. #372
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryan
    A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve walking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Briton. "They must be British!"

    "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French!"

    "It is obvious they are Russian," argues the Russian. "They have no clothes and no shelter, they have only an apple to eat, and they are being told this is paradise!"
    LMAO That's a ripper!

    I like the twist one too, and just when I thought the punch line was the end of the joke FS comes and adds another dimension of comedy!
    Quote Originally Posted by Coaster
    People need to be more like CS imo

  13. #373
    Titan CEO jenny's Avatar
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    IRISH COFFEE

    An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to
    seek his help in reviving her husband's libido.

    "What about trying Viagra? Asks the doctor.

    "Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin."

    "Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Soluble Viagra. Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."

    It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! 'Twas horrid. Just terrible doctor!."

    "Really? What happened?" asked the doctor?"

    "Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped his self straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, :dead:

    With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flyin', ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the table-top! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute feckin' nightmare!"

    "Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good"?

    "Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed! 'Twas the best sex I've had in 50 years of marriage! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll niver be able to show me face in Starbucks again."

    I LOVE "BULL" BAILEY
    "WHAT A MAN, WHAT A MAN, WHAT A MIGHTY GOOD MAN"

  14. #374
    Titan CEO jenny's Avatar
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    Psycho Test
    :ok:
    Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the
    bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. It is as it reads.
    No one I know has gotten it right-including me.

    A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met this guy whom she
    did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy
    she believed him to be just that! She fell in love with him right there,
    but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later
    she killed her sister. Question: What is her motive in killing her
    sister? (Give this some thought before you
    answer.) SCROLL DOWN.


























    Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again.
    If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was
    a test by a famous American Psychologist used to test if one has the
    same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in
    the test and answered the question correctly. If you didn't answer the
    question correctly good for you. If you got the answer correct, please
    let me know so I can take you off of my email list unless that will tick
    you off, then I'll just be extra nice to you from now on. Be sure to
    share the test.

    I LOVE "BULL" BAILEY
    "WHAT A MAN, WHAT A MAN, WHAT A MIGHTY GOOD MAN"

  15. #375
    One Clubman Ryan's Avatar
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    :!: Mabey I am a little Psycho........
    The girl from the ring watched a highlights reel of Greg Bird, she died 7 days later.....



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