Originally Posted by
aspher
A little worried. Time to spew this out:
I'm stuck in a place I presume a lot of people my age have been at. I'm at the age where I need to set up my future. Since leaving school, I've worked for a year, done two courses, 1/3 completed another and have wasted an enormous amount of time online. I have nothing to show. The course I am currently doing - freelance journalism - isn't as I expected. I thought I'd go well writing up articles, but I soon realised my writing skills are woeful and I have the imagination of a pig. I cannot think up story ideas let alone have the guts to pitch them to editors.
My life has become routine: Wake up, go on computer, exercise, eat lunch, listen to music, make dinner for the family, watch TV, go on computer, go to bed. As much as I try to break free from this, my mind won't let me. It's easy to see why dole-bludgers are the way they are.
I have been too fearful to get my licence (cars, they frighten me) which in turn affects my life: both attempting to get a job, and have a social life. I have no social life whatsoever. I don't even have any friends. There's one guy who comes around my house every couple of weeks but he's only ever after something.
I'm overweight which has a profound effect on my self-confidence. I get nervous answering the lady at the local shop's question, "how are you?". It's utterly ridiculous.
My siblings say I've 'got the good life'. I get pocket-money from my parents, I don't work. I don't think they realise how crushing it is to be this way; like, it's almost as if they think I want to be some stay-at-home loser who gets $20 a week and is generally a wasteman. I keep convincing myself I can change and fix up, but the reality is I cannot at this moment; physically and mentally. It's a strange place to be in.
Bleh. Excuse the emo, but it feels good to just type that garbage out!