TRAINING ACCIDENT PUTS TITANS IN A HOLE
New head coach Neil Henry was looking a worried man after a training accident seriously injured eleven of the expected 2015 starting team plus out of favour fullback Will Zip Zip TP Zillman.
In an effort to inspire the team as they settled into their underwhelming digs at The snobby Southport School, things took a turn for the worse when an innovative strength and conditioning drill went horribly wrong.
King had found the new drill on the back of a muesli bar and quickly gave new recruit David Hala the lead role. Called the reverse pyramid, Hala, the strongest man never to play much first grade crouched down in the squat position. Neanderthals Ryan James and Nate Myles then climbed onto his shoulders. The next layer included the chunky trio Greg Bird, Aidan Sezer and Paul Carter followed by the more streamlined quartet of Zillman, David Mead, Kevin Gordon and new old boy Ryan Simpkins.
However, it all came unstuck when Dave Taylor, having bravely negotiated his way to the top level, tried to complete the maneuver with the requisite handstand. Several factors conspired to bring the drill unstuck. Firstly, Myles broke wind causing Zillman to giggle. His shaking bumped Gordon who nearly lost his balance brushing his hair out of his eyes and then nature stepped in.
The training field, nestled beside the picturesque Southport reach, could take no more. Under the waterlogged bank, an ancient sinkhole succumbed to the extreme downward pressure and first Hala followed by the rest of his teammates disappeared in a slurping, boggy mire of mud.
Emergency Services supervisor Chip Panzee recalled that the scene when he arrived reminded him of the chocolate mousse at Jupiter's Buffet on a Saturday night.